Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.