answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex