You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
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I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!