I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you told grandpa to call you daddy
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work