Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.