Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (217)

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  Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency

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  (217): Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency http://tfl.nu/yuks
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  I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...

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  (217): I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting... http://tfl.nu/eihm
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  Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday

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  (217): Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday http://tfl.nu/gng4
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  Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"

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  (217): Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet" http://tfl.nu/r96p
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  I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...

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  (217): I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs... http://tfl.nu/dm06
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  Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up

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  (217): Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up http://tfl.nu/7l2l
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  Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?

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  (217): Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me? http://tfl.nu/r928
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  it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.

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  (217): it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex. http://tfl.nu/bdfn
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  The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend

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  (217): The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend http://tfl.nu/q6fw
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  you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot

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  (217): you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot http://tfl.nu/time
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  Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized

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  (217): Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized http://tfl.nu/ymju
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  Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home

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  (217): Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home http://tfl.nu/w5oh
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  We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed

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  (217): We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed http://tfl.nu/j4f4
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  i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up

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  (217): i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up http://tfl.nu/r4jy
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  Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.

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  (217): Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you. http://tfl.nu/3vuw
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