he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.