Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.