Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ohio (216)

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  Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud

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  (216): Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud http://tfl.nu/kyzh
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  Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits

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  (216): Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits http://tfl.nu/2zgj
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  MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

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  I'll be there in 20 with vodka.

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  (330): MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. (216): I'll be there in 20 with vodka. http://tfl.nu/ar06
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  Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch

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  (216): Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch http://tfl.nu/pevt
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  After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory

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  (216): After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory http://tfl.nu/ao8l
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  blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester

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  (216): blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester http://tfl.nu/2842
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  Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.

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  (216): Question: trumpet bong. Can it work. http://tfl.nu/hpw0
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  I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.

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  (216): I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches. http://tfl.nu/a2wa
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  I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating

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  (216): I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating http://tfl.nu/1tih
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  Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.

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  Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.

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  (216): Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know. (440): Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl. http://tfl.nu/hazv
  Replies (2) Good night (1746) Bad night (151)
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  Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.

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  (216): Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me. http://tfl.nu/fau7
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  My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.

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  (216): My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me. http://tfl.nu/b8jl
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  We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.

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  (216): We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret. http://tfl.nu/ko6r
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