Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!