I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.