I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.