I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
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I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.