I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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You were supposed to behave this weekend.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
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I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.