I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
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Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
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I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.