Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.