who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
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Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
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A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging