I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens