There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
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I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
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He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.