Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?