I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.