She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.