I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger