That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?