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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
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