Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping