How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD