I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.