you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist