Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis