sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?