You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.