You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.