Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Washington (360)

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  So much rum. So many feels.

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  (360): So much rum. So many feels. http://tfl.nu/mt6s
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  Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD

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  (360): Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD http://tfl.nu/j288
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  i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina

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  (360): i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina http://tfl.nu/287f
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  it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me

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  (360): it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me http://tfl.nu/wv06
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  you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.

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  (360): you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like. http://tfl.nu/0urz
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  I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.

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  It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.

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  (360): I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance. (1-360): It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot. http://tfl.nu/be8l
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  A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.

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  (360): A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy. http://tfl.nu/2450
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  first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on

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  (360): first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on http://tfl.nu/2woc
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  I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.

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  I think that's justified.

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  (360): I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB. (1-360): I think that's justified. http://tfl.nu/5alt
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  Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.

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  (360): Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum. http://tfl.nu/7kvh
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  I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.

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  (360): I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top. http://tfl.nu/zeve
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  I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.

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  (360): I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been. http://tfl.nu/46nz
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  I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.

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  (360): I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow. http://tfl.nu/5cxp
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  I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.

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  Bringing families together since 1987

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  (360): I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis. (1-360): Bringing families together since 1987 http://tfl.nu/o9ey
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  You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.

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  1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you

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  (206): You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits. (360): 1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you http://tfl.nu/1254
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