Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.