This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges