But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.