and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.