you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
