So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And then my night got REAL pukey
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
