you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"