you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"