I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If You’re One of These 12 Restaurant Customers, Your Server is Definitely Spitting in Your Food
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm fucking your sister right now.
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