Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?