I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately