Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay