Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.