Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.