I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?