I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship