I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick