Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
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hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.