just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex