He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.