I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"