we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro