can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.