Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this will be a night to untag.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job