Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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