Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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