That's when you crack a 10am beer
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
