1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.