He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking