That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
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I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize