Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (559)

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  I queefed so loud it echoed.

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  (559): I queefed so loud it echoed. http://tfl.nu/ujmt
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  She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.

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  (559): She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was. http://tfl.nu/tore
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  I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"

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  (559): I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face" http://tfl.nu/zv08
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  today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.

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  (559): today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus. http://tfl.nu/murq
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  So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best

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  and??

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  Cake is only good when you eat it

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  (559): So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best (310): and?? (559): Cake is only good when you eat it http://tfl.nu/ifoq
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  you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you

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  (559): you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you http://tfl.nu/hdb5
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  the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.

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  (559): the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more. http://tfl.nu/a0ch
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  she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends

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  (559): she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends http://tfl.nu/3qzm
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  I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.

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  (559): I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me. http://tfl.nu/s6gx
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  That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!

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  (559): That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?! http://tfl.nu/5bsv
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  Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.

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  (559): Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/zft1
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  I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?

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  (559): I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day? http://tfl.nu/b9nt
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  And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"

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  (559): And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was" http://tfl.nu/hg14
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  I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.

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  Yup.

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  (559): I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again. (1-559): Yup. http://tfl.nu/egb3
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  He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.

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  (559): He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him. http://tfl.nu/1qyh
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