Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??